Solving Discrepancy Work/Home by Releasing Judgement
New category: Confessions of a Coach. As non-judgemental as I can be towards my clients, as judgemental I can be towards my closest loved ones. I seem to have some releasing* to do!
At home I like things to go the way I like them to go. I just like my own way better. I truly believe my way IS better… Well listen to how this sentence sounds… These words must come from a control freak. I admit that this is me; unfortunately I’m not making this up. I do think my way is the best way. Making the bed, watering the plants, tidying up the kitchen, folding the clothes, which doors to keep open and which ones to shut, and even how much sound it can make when you close them, et cetera; the way in which I perform these tasks is best… It sounds ridiculous! But I really believe so.
There are as many different ways as there are people
Whenever people do things differently to how I think they should be done around my house, I tend to think something judgemental about it. There are as many ways to do things around the house as there are people. I know that. Rationally I accept that. Rationally I have no problems with that whatsoever. But emotionally I do find it hard to simply accept other people’s ways when it comes to something intimate as my home.
Tolerant at Work – Dominant at Home
Clients come for a couple of sessions, they tell me their stories and we work on what they want to change and achieve in life. It’s easy to accept their ways, because their ways don’t affect my home – my space. Whilst my dearest ones come to live with me, stay for a weekend or a couple of weeks, sharing my home. They want to help, they do things, and they do them their way, confronting me with other solutions, other approaches and other manners. They make me feel I’m out of control. While I like to feel that I am in control here because this is my space we’re talking about!
I like to think of myself as accepting, peaceful and tolerant. Guess what? I’m not! At least not at home when it comes to my space.
Closing the Gap
I preach and teach Letting Go in my life coaching practice each session I have with my clients. It is time I practised what I preach, at home too… This isn’t going to be easy. But I am beginning today. Certain things around the house today are not the way I like them to be at all.
Step 1: Welcoming
I allow myself to feel all the judgements I feel about this situation. I really welcome my huge resistance to it. I accept that I don’t want to accept things as they are. I breath into the resistance; relaxing into it. Now I gather all my feelings of frustration, any wanting to change, fix or control it… Yes, yes, yes! How much do I want to change this! How stupid I think this is! How different should it be!
Step 2: Deciding to let it go
And now I decide to let it all dissolve. I let it go. Bye bye!
Step 3: What is here now?
And finally I simply decide to go do something for myself, something I enjoy doing, like writing or reading or going for a walk.
I will consciously do this for the days and weeks to come. Growing awareness on my judgements, welcoming and accepting them. Letting go of my resistance. Letting go of my wanting control. I’ll shift my focus to the things that are going smoothly at home. There are plenty of those! Just look at those instead of the things that I want differently. Just focus on the oneness and perfection that is already here, instead of on the imperfection.
And I’ll conclude each time practising this, with that beautiful sentence that Hale Dwoskin of The Sedona Method taught me: “I allow everything to unfold in the highest and best good of everyone involved!”, opening my heart a little more and simply be at peace with what is here, now.
To joy and freedom 🙂