My god with lower case g

I’ve been back in Australia for fourteen months. This time I feel no homesickness. I can easily deal with missing my dear relatives and friends in The Netherlands. But I remember how I felt two years ago. I was suffering the worst homesickness imaginable. What has changed?

During my first two years in Australia I felt I had abandoned all my loved ones to follow only one, my husband. I experienced fear for losing my friends. I felt sad to be so far away from them. I was thinking in terms of loss, missing and impossibilities. With hindsight I understand that I was grieving. I was mourning for my loss and couldn’t see what I had gained.

When I returned to The Netherlands I prayed for a solution. My problem was that I had to live either in Australia with my husband but without family and friends, or in The Netherlands with my family and friends but without my husband. I felt terrible. In my despair I surrendered to something I never consciously surrendered to before: I literally fell on my knees and asked God for help.

My mother was raised Catholic and my father Protestant. Because of the difference in churches they weren’t allowed to get married back in 1966. Their solution was to both quit going to church and to live a church-less life. I was brought up without being baptised and without being taken to church at all, except sometimes by family members or friends who would go. This “church-less” upbringing allowed me to find my own religion. Although I still don’t belong to any institution or church I do believe in God. I have my own very personal relationship with the divine. My church is my heart. I go there when I want to have a chat with That Which Is Greater Than I Am.

It was novelty and a very intimate experience for me to fall to my knees; to pray and ask for such direct help. It took more than a year to openly blog about it.

Help arrived in the form of a wonderful solution: I was inspired to experience that I am not in Australia or in The Netherlands: both Australia and The Netherlands are in me.

Ever since this experience I am able to live overseas and to feel that I have gained a whole new world while maintaining the old. I feel very rich now. I feel very grateful for this physical, emotional and spiritual expansion.

My debut in asking God for help has opened up new avenues. I write about what I call the god-hub in my book The Master’s Compass. There I spell God with lower case g: god. I do that on purpose. In spelling God as god I intend to include all religions. Islam, Judaism, Christianity, the Dreaming, Mysticism, Sufism, Buddhism, Gnosis, Wicca; the Goddess, Cosmos, Spirit, Allah, Source and all other human expressions of the divine can be included in my god-with-lower-case-g.

My church is my heart. Every face of the divine is welcome there. I feel relieved to have found a way to mention god, and to know what I mean by that precisely. I feel blessed with the inspiration I was given when I asked for help. I feel much closer to home, however far away I physically find myself from where I was born.

To the inclusion of all expressions of the divine,

Miriam Aziz

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