The Heart – Perfect Distinguishing Tool

Making new friends in a new place

What do you count on when you want to know if someone is right for you or not? Can you use judgement based on language, background, choice of clothes, religion, profession?

When I came to Australia I met people who spoke another language, had other backgrounds, followed another fashion, practiced their beliefs in other ways to what I was used to in the Netherlands, and may have performed similar jobs as I used to do but called their expertise differently.

My old ways of understanding new people I’d meet did no longer work. My reference framework suddenly held no value.

Mother tongue as distinguishing tool

In feeling connected to a person I used to rely on the use of language most. In the Netherlands, a person’s choice of words, their pronunciation, and their ways of verbally expressing themselves would tell me what type of person someone was. Certain Dutch words would instantaneously reach my soul and forge a connection with a person, whereas certain other Dutch words would immediately alert me not to trust someone. In The Netherlands I used the Dutch language as a distinguishing tool to judge whether someone I’d meet was right for me or not.

Old distinguishing tool proves fallible

In English my Dutch tool couldn’t function. Although for a foreigner my English wasn’t bad, there were plenty of words and expressions that I didn’t know yet, or didn’t understand. I couldn’t yet place a certain accent a person would speak in. It seemed there was nothing to rely on – nothing to trust: I wasn’t able to judge whether a new person was a good fit for me or not by simply listening to them. I felt confused as my distinguishing tool for making friends failed, and I didn’t even understand that this was happening.

Today I look back on the past seven years of being new on the other side of the word. Last week I moved from Sydney to Canberra. Again I find myself in a new place. With what I learned in Sydney, this time I feel less confused.

What is a perfect distinguishing tool?

I could no longer rely on the use of language as a way to judge whether or not someone would be right for me. My mind couldn’t help me. I had to rely on intuition – my heart.

Only my heart was able to understand if someone I met was a potential new friend or not. The heart listens through language, sees through appearance, understands beyond background and profession – the heart knows if a new person will be a joy-bringing connection or not, rather than to judge someone’s suitability.

The heart always knows. The knowledge of the heart never fails.

Listen to your heart

However, you have to give your heart a chance to speak, or rather give yourself a chance to listen to what it says. The heart may not shout, speak up, use popular language and compete with social media. The heart has a language of its own and you have to take time to check in on what it says. This is best done in silence.

Allowing for fifteen to twenty minutes of undisturbed silence in the morning and in the evening in which you check in on your heart’s knowledge, strengthens your mind’s ability to listen to your heart.

Become your heart’s servant rather than to have it serve you. Honour your heart’s knowledge. Let it lead you. Let it distinguish for you, for it knows. You can rely on it when all else fails.


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